What Does Perfectionism in a Child Look Like?

Apr 23

If you’re worried about your child’s perfectionism or curious if some of their behaviors suggest they might be a perfectionist, there are some signs to watch out for.

Signs of perfectionism in your child:

Fear of Failure

This is a significant indicator and often overlaps with many other signs listed below.

If your child avoids tasks or activities out of fear of failing,it could signal perfectionism.

They might feel overwhelmed about making mistakes, hesitate to join school or group activities, or be reluctant to try new hobbies for fear of not excelling right away.

This could look like a child refusing to draw a picture because they're worried they won't be able to color inside the lines perfectly on their first try or a child avoiding playing a new game with their siblings because they're afraid of not understanding the rules immediately.

All or Nothing Thinking

Children with perfectionistic tendencies may refuse to participate in activities if they fear they won't do well right away.

They might become frustrated and give up quickly if they can't master a skill the first time they try it.

A child saying they can’t read is an example here. Maybe they are able to read a few words, but not all the words on a page. They might just say “I can’t read.”, because to them, it’s either reading the entire page or it isn’t reading at all.

Accepting Nothing Less Than Perfection

Does your child always want to do something until they’ve reached a certain level of perfection?

When you do something, like ask if they're finished, does your child respond with that furrowed brow look, explaining that it's not quite perfect yet? And despite your reassurance that their effort is what counts, do they insist on making it flawless and want to spend too much time working on it?

An example here is if a child spends a lot time erasing and rewriting a homework assignment because they want it to be perfect.

Avoiding of New Opportunities

Is your child hesitant to try new skills or activities because they're afraid of making mistakes?

They could miss out on valuable learning experiences both in and out of school because of this.

A young child refusing to walk into a birthday party could be a sign they are nervous about the new place and different faces, but also because they’re unsure about how to do everything perfectly when they join in.

Critical Self-Talk

Children who constantly criticize themselves for not achieving perfection may struggle with negative self-esteem.

They might lack confidence in their abilities, even when they've done a good job.

An example here is a child that might finish a puzzle and say to themselves, "I missed one piece. I'm not good at puzzles," even though they successfully completed most of it.

Fear of Letting Others Down

Feeling pressure to meet others' expectations can cause stress and feelings of anxiety in children.

This might lead them to believe they must perform at a certain level to avoid disappointing others.

Think of a child feeling stressed about building a tower with friends because they fear they won't be able to do it or the blocks they add may make it tumble. They don’t join in the fun and feel left out.

Procrastination

Most of the time procrastination is often associated with laziness. But it can also stem from perfectionism.

Children may delay starting something because they fear they won't be able to do it perfectly.

This could look like your child avoiding putting away toys because they aren’t sure if they’ll do it perfectly. Or not wanting to do work in class because they worry it won’t be flawless.

Difficulty Adjusting to New Situations

Perfectionistic children may find it challenging to adapt to change or new environments.

This could be because of their fear of not meeting their own high standards.

This can impact their social and emotional well-being, leading to anxious feelings or not wanting to be a part of a new activity.

A young child might resist going to a new playgroup because they're worried they won't know how to play like the other kids or won't be able to follow the rules perfectly.

Be there for your child every step of the way. Encourage them to take little risks and step out of their comfort zone. And don't forget to model positive behavior yourself—those little eyes are always watching how you approach the world!

For more tips and insights to nurture lifelong learners, hop over to my Instagram page.

And, don't forget to explore episodes on the podcast, Play On Words, where you’ll hear more about making learning fun and accessible for all.

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I’m the founder of BCR, host of the Play on Words podcast, a consultant for the Chicago Public Library, and more! On the blog, I regularly share my tips, insights, and knowledge on early literacy.